Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Father May I?...God Soliloquy

Father,

May I Talk to you,

As I close out the sounds...of the world

Only wishing time could pause so that I can

If I may,

Sit within your embrace as your child in your lap.

Shield me father 
for I have become lost in such violent disruption

My brothers and sisters have forgotten your basic concepts and although

There are many values I haven't adopted yet 
...May 
I?

I've been searching for ways to speak with you unsure if you'd be wiling ?

I'm not very boisterous about our relationship. 
I feel g u i l t y from to time.


I admit at times I get 
bit shy in regards to the love we share
Since nowadays speaking of how I feel about you can be deemed inappropriate and

You know out of anyone that I do not like to be a hypocrite

Lord,

Can I...
 
look up into the windows of your soul for just a second

 I know it's a long line but can I whisper something
...to you?

My father is with you so when I speak its for both of you to listen

Do you mind?

And I know that at times I can be a disappointment, 
You know reasoning of my intentions

Recapturing time lost, ill-spent.

I thank you for the grace of your gifts. 
It still feels as if I haven't opened them yet

It's amazing how you know me so well. 
He's just right. 
And Mom...
I know you made her in your image.

Excuse the informality of my pleas
The anger in some of my reactions
And the silent sadness that try to cover in my heart

I know that solitude is not possible when you remain living and breathing along our sides but as a human being At times my hopes are selfishly flawed

Wishing for physical miracles and overlooking blessings.

My journey continues but my shoes get untied.


Hey dad,

Thank you for the strength you have granted me in order to continue and the reality checks that rattle me enough to get back on path.

Lord,

May I take another minute of your time,

As I bare myself of constructed and self inflicted needs of perfection

You know me for who I am, so I take you by the the hand as we walk into silent discussions... I have some questions about where will I go and does this benefit me and those around me...

Sorry if I feel so heavy but I have a weight on my shoulders and a lump of overwhelming sadness that comes and goes.

But if you don't mind may I,

"Talk to you and ask you for your guidance....especially today when my world feels a little bit cloudy"
[-Yolanda Adams]

 ©DISorientedDIVA 2012

Alone


...the saddest feeling of internal vacancy as fuckitude has been replaced by 
inter-
dependency.

Soft replaces rough

Time of the year 
Where NO ONE wants to be soaked in solace as everyone bundles in 
Bunches...

Too busy to notice...
despite being paired remaining single 
in the weakest moments

Aching time pieces 
As no one is able to reach back to ...m e

Melodramatic reruns of law and order/criminal minds/house

Running out of decorations to fill the 
G    A    P   S
 
Not enough
Lights to brighten the darkness
 ©DISorientedDIVA 2012

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Poetic Kryptonite

This is for those who have and know what I speak of in regards to Poet's Kryptonite--
Remembering Mz Sick Prose's I fell in love with a god once