I Loved A Gladiator Once...

I loved a gladiator once...

Remaining as his backup when he needed me...Willing to go to War as long as the result is his safety...

Making sure that after every battle we would return together safely,

Despite the wounds...we  continued to bandage each other up.

Ready for the next combat...US against the world.

Awaiting Our Beautiful Death..in Unison...My Man...and I his woman...Gladiators..An unbeatable force apart but when together there is no ceasing.

Waiting for a foe worthy of taking us apart in order to meet once more in the depths of our freed souls.

I loved a gladiator once, never backing down and shielding me despite being forced to his knees.
I striking the enemy so he can raise to his feet.

Now..He...a mere mirage of who he once was...A Gladiator...

His punctured pride unable to allow him to remove the blinds. The darkness is not as dense as it resembles.
And there he remains...the un-healing wound he prevents me from curing. Choosing to delve in unexpected cowardice.

In horror I watch as he crumbles and I unable to save him. S I L E N C E.

I, who gave up my "sword and shield", placing the key of soul within his very grasp. He, armed and ready to win the most important crusade of them all...the undying conflict in my heart. Unlocking fears and uncertainty that maintained me alive for so long...

I gaze into the eyes, of a known stranger...I loved a gladiator once...and now he who I know now fills me with fear, desperation, and weakness...

He, has moments of clarity and is open to the training against the enemies that continue to pursue us. Then to the darkness he returns into the deepest wells where even I cannot reach out to him..

Many have perished within our grasp. But today...a Gladiator falls ungracefully...I unsure to continue the journey behind or aside him...I weep not in daylight but in the confines where my unlocked soul bares his name...Wishing for the winter to not revisit me once more...

How can I remain a Gladiator ruthlessly, without my King in all his glory?...What do I fight for?

If I too am just a reflection.of what I once was...I loved Gladiator once...but now neither of us resemble as such...Despite our indestructible fervor...the flame a mere glow...

Weakened are we as they pillage and trample our kingdom and its dreams...We have become our own enemies.

And in the heat of conflict...as he remains on his knees...I defend with all I have left...

Trappedby theDURRRRIAN

Till IT Happens to You...[Failing Sobriety]

It use to be like Heaven....

And now my wings have burnt in the sun's reflection...I must of flew to close...I must have flown to close...Thinking the brightness would never taint reality.

Falling into the dark dampness of the heaviest of clouds...My wings emaciated and scalded. At full speed heading down to the ground where I was picked off my feet.

It use to feel like rain...

 Where you can dance and sing...hold hands and laugh. But now it feels like a hurricane, where I cannot control the direction in which I am spinning. Remorse...Upon the foolishness, all I can feel is S T U P I D.

Believing the shine was gold...And the fool was I. The fool is me.

Love am I a full to believe in YOU? 

As I feel like all I have left is the choux pastry heart..the filling now empty...left with simply the flakes...Disintegrating in the fridge. Looking as if I were solid. But the reality is,

No one knows what love can do...Until it happens to you,

Happening...hurts....Falling with such force...Desperation covers me...Looking at a shell of myself as I know longer know who I am...afraid of what I will become. Ice queen. Warrior placing her shield and sharp weaponry. Back onto the path leaving the crossroads behind. Learning to limp through the pain. Cure myself in the darkness again. Solitude my murderer and healer. Time remains as the uncertainty to my recovery.

Sentenced to purgatory so I can figure it out...

Trying to amidst the suffering continue on...unable to keep you here...unable to let you leave...

How come NOTHING feels the same when I'm with YOU...

No one knows what love can do...Until it happens to you,
I just wish someone would of told me... 

Sadnessby Mathurin156

...I Bang My Pillows...[The Fight for Sobriety]

In the fight for sobriety....I nod for permission....

                                     

Mr. Radio-Fighting the Perfect Storm

No longer knowing which way to turn the dial.

Unknown what song will heal the silent suffering of the tribulations that love songs do not exactly speak of.

Wishing to create a revolution in the situation.

MUSIC UNABLE TO ROMANCE THE GOLDEN MOMENTS BACK INTO THE COLD OF THIS STORM.

Pushed away from a sole problem unable to contribute to a resolution.

Protection becomes segregation.

My biological homeostasis to breath your air intensifies in the solitude that screams in a loud high pitch. 

Love songs breaking down the bravado of a heroine.

Strength not written in the a chord. How to choose a station?

To release the pain...as you continue to inflict yourself unknowingly creating scars through pride and limping my stride.

The "weight of the world" is bringing me to my knees.

Mr. Radio when the perfect storm is brewing and words remain unspoken.

Insecurity reels in the possibilities...of time running out.

Not knowing whether to sing, scream, our allow the rain to enter.

When rhymes become trivial and sense becomes quizzical.

What song do I choose? 

"Sometimes there's a stranger in my house" during "Love and War"

Feeling like "Lithium" as I do not want to fly solo.

Putting on my war paint as I refuse to leave unselected songs blow me through this hurricane.

Introduction to Scrolls

Located on the path of future ridden 

Realities...

Who would have dreamt about this...

Deserted among flood infested pillows - observant walls filled with hopes and aspirations falling on deaf ears

We collided...

and Today

We are still here...

I dedicate my scrolls 

To You.

Loveee Poem

See all music videos Rihanna

I
Don't
Mean
To
Give
The
Wrong
Impression

But I have been crushed to pulp fiction of past enamored anguish

Punished by unborn aspirations turned putrid fruition I just need to be put into a different acquisition.

Love drunk to sip the last drop. Tears prevailed, soaking into sheets, pain glowing in the dark,
Hurt only mentioned to walls

I've been abandoned by past suitors that ever followed to suit to what their incantations clamored ...left to front the world against myself since it never grew into us....

Until us grew...afraid to leave the safety of my cocoon I rather push you away when I incline for you to remain attempting the miracle of my completion...I've been trying to heal my wounds as I inflict scars into you

Fighting to protect my bravado...

But
I
N
E
E
D
LOVE and
Affec
Tion

Dispersing hail sized disbelief, sublimating previous me...I can't help but to repress this feeling in captivity preventing it to escape and still needing to display the synchronized way of telepathic speech between pacemakers...I know you are the one meant to make the pace of dedicated reincarnations

I need you as Adam needed Eve you are the missing piece to the riddles in my granite heart... You're the answer to the unspoken questions...you're the reason I surrender my shield...you're the reason I feel

I need you every second, I cannot help my imbalance when I let go of your phalanges...

I seem to be falling

Discovering another organ to keep me in homeostasis, the reason why my sun rises and the moon sets

I hope
I
Am
Not
Sounding
To
Desperate

"Can you love me for poor "
My soul has had holes in it for years

I see the hesitation in the way you manage your expedition into the catacombs of my aorta

Tugging in war within various vas deferens...going in circles as mind and emotive become a labyrinth

"Whoever turned you cold
You need to let 'em know
I can work miracles "

In disposition to let all ties of concocted realities chip away...releasing blocks of heavy disbelief to save the hero...of my internal renovations

I
Don't
Mean
To
Give
The
Wrong
Impression

But "when I love you close,
You can feel my heart beating thru my clothes"

It's something I can't control as I refuse to let go

I hope
I
Am
Not
Sounding
To
Desperate

Committing self inflicted treason for conquest of copious curing, deconstructed love chants converted into core conclusions

But

I

N
E
E
D
LOVEEE

and
A
F
F
E
C
Tion

©DISorientedDIVA 2013

Why I wash his clothes....

See from the moment he walks into the room leaving trails of a long hard day...(socks) for me to follow I know

Daddy's home.

As his polo comes off letting the heat of sweat poured into growing dedication of self growth and sacrifice

I know it is he who comes with sighs.

Refusing to let frustration and cracked corporate crap mentally rupture his peace

His wife beater is the next piece to free himself of battled restrains the soreness of his struggle to maintain the journey God has allowed him one more chance to step

Timbs or Nikes left apart almost like stones meant to trip through the guided path of un-defeat tired and sore feet

Khakis pulling together holes of his past and dirt stains of his future...overcoming obstacle on a daily basis

I wash his clothes because he requires help in sorting through different textures and colors of life

Because he has been buried before under dirty laundry and not many have helped to unravel the possibility of softening the blows of harsh cold washouts- repetitive cycles

Taking blows while spinning under heated pile of weight placed on shoulders

Baskets of darks tilting On his head...

Handing the whites to him instead...fold these as you can store them into the crisp creases of togetherness. My intentions come with no hidden tint.

I wash his clothes not because of sexist obligations but of admiration of who he's decided to become.

What He decided to Gain from riding away from the Tide waiting for him to soften the harsh realities of true cleanliness.

I wash his clothes because deep down inside the piles that come and go. Obstacles get hanged and the rest Eventually gets folded And stored.

I wash his clothes because I not get at wit's end with loose ends of damp sock trails

But because we chose one another to [c]Lean on when broken or incomplete. When the radiance of our colors are not as before.

I choose to defend him with Arm and Hammer. Leaving his clothes like never before.

I wash his clothes...
because
I love the end result a clean warrior ready for another week into the future with a fresh perspective.

I wash his clothes because

I
L o v e
H i m
©DISorientedDIVA 2013